Life goes on and on, never stoping never waiting
You are simply pulled along for the ride
When the good comes you embrace it's presence and wish it not to leave
When the bad arrives it stays to long and doesn't know when to leave
you don't care because all of the bad wither and die with age
But the good seems to own the eluded of immortality
Life never seises but the mind can linger.
I loved the last two lines!!!!!
ReplyDeleteDo you like poetry, because you are quite good at it. :D
but for the last line
is it supposed to be
Life never ceases SO the mind can linger
(because they are both existing)
I thought this was great: you should be proud of it instead of titling it as "crappy"
ReplyDeleteI liked "When the good comes you embrace it's presence and wish it not to leave/When the bad arrives it stays to long and doesn't know when to leave". The repitition of "leave" was good and I like that you contrasted the good and bad.
Be careful of your punctuation though. "When the good comes (comma), you embrace..."
"When the bad arrives (comma), it stays..."
Also shouldnt it be "...all of the bad witherS and dieS with age" ?
i did it in about 5 mins so i wasn't worried about punctuation. but thank you for the feed back, and lindesy your right the comma's should be there.
ReplyDelete